POEM & PHOTO BY: MARA HASENSTAUB

 

I am always wondering what to say,
what to write,
how to not stumble over my words
when talking to anyone who makes me anxious;
most people make me anxious.
It has always been like this.

That’s why all of my poems
are written on a list in my phone,
while I cry in my car –
because no one wants to approach anyone
crying in their car.

I’ve been wanting to say that I’m sorry.
for coming through your life,
like a tornado through Kansas.
I’m sorry that you experienced
The storm that they have been waiting
to name after me.

I’ve been wanting to write you
a thank you card
because it is what my mother
would have wanted of me.
Though she didn’t want me
to cut our story short
even though you and I both agreed
that it was for the best.

That’s when I learned
that sometimes your own teammates
want to quit the team.
Occasionally there might be
an ‘I’ in ‘team’.

Lately I’ve been running
into the storm just for practice.
I haven’t been saying much.
I’ve been thanking you
and the ground beneath my feet,
like a ritual prayer,
for teaching me that
It is okay
to go into
something unknown
on your own.

MARA HASENSTAUB IS BASED IN BOULDER; SHE WORKS FOR AN ENVIRONMENTAL NONPROFIT, LOCAL BREWERY & IS ALSO A CO-FOUNDER OF THE DONUT SHOP! SHE IS VOTING FOR BEYONCÉ IN THE UPCOMING ELECTION.